Greetings! I’m so sad to say that this is my last newsletter as an official Fulbright grantee teaching here in the Czech Republic. Holy crap does time fly. And while I could go on and on about how time moves so fast and we must make the most of it, I feel that I’ve already squeezed out every last ounce of juice from that melon. The reality is, my grant is coming to a close, and a lot of tearful goodbyes are upcoming. While I do plan/hope to stay here in Europe for longer, my role as a Fulbright ETA here at Obchodní Akademie Tomáše Bati is wrapping up. My morning walk to school, the friendly “hello Amil’s” from my students in the hallways, my between-class walk to Kafe Na Rohu for my iced vanilla (or caramel) latte, my English conversation club…all will soon no longer be. I’ll still hopefully see my teachers/students around Zlín, but it’ll be different. It won’t be routine or regular. I suppose that is the way life is. We let people into our lives, and at some point, either they leave us or we leave them.

This sounds harsher than I mean it to, let me explain.

The people I have met here won’t ever truly leave my lives (I won’t let that happen as I’ll be a WhatsApp menace). I won’t ever (and couldn’t even if I tried) forget them. But what I meant is I’ll go from seeing my wonderful colleagues, intelligent students, and lovely friends here in Zlín almost every day to once or twice a month (once school officially ends), and when I eventually leave Zlín, it’ll go to once in a blue moon. This gradual drop-off (from daily to weekly to monthly to unknowingly) is a distinctly melancholic form of torture.

Yes, there’s always WhatsApp and e-mail and Zoom, but my community here will no longer be a natural part of my life. A part of my life that I’ll see during the regular flows of every day – they’ll become scheduled interactions. And while that is of course better than never seeing them ever again, it does bring a tear to my eye that I’ll never experience this same luxury with these same people again. But, as my favorite aphorism, despite how unforgiving and tough-love it is, goes: c'est la vie.

I said I wouldn’t bore you with the time flies bs, so I won’t lament about this any longer. There is one thing I want to journal about. Let’s go.

As I now am faced with the paralyzing decision about what to do next and where to go next, I keep getting smacked in the face with this question. What do I want my life to look like? Well, so many things. And to make matters more complicated, it seems as if this answer keeps changing with every week, month, and year that goes by.

And I honestly don’t know the answer to this question. Where do I want to live? What age do I want to get married? What countries do I want to visit? What am I looking to get out of from this life? I often don’t even know what I want to eat for dinner, so to answer those other questions feels beyond insurmountable.

You might expect me to say something along the lines of “and this uncertainty…that’s okay. Part of life is figuring it out as you go. One day at a time.” And yes, while this might be so, I’m not going to take this newsletter in that banal direction. Instead, I’m going to figure it out.

I want to live in a place that I’ve never been before. I want to move some place where I know no one. I want unfamiliarity – I want to infiltrate a community and form my own. I feel empowered from my time here in Zlin because I know that I can create something from nothing – and I think I’m seeking that rush and that climb again. I want to throw myself in the uncomfortable unknown again because I think I would feel less restlessness and dissonance if I was out there in some place I’ve never been or lived in before. As I’m writing this, I think what scares me is not seeing, breathing in, hearing, and experiencing all that life has to offer. Maybe I’m greedy.

No idea when I want to get married – far from it.

What countries do I want to visit? All of them. I have some upcoming travels planned to Bosnia and Herzegovina, Croatia and Portugal, which I am so excited for. This question ties in with my original one, and yes it is certainly a privileged “problem” to have, I acknowledge that. Still, I want to see as much as I can.

What am I looking to get out of from this life? Now there’s a kicker. I think…actually, I don’t know. Love, happiness, warmth, hope. I am hoping to make an impact, to make people happy, to be remembered (as vain and self-indulgent as that sounds). I want to be known as someone who makes others feel good. What do I want to get out of this life? I want to have money, to travel, to build a life, to be healthy. I am getting greedy now, but you asked me!! (I asked myself).

So, the reason why I’ve been asking myself these questions is because now that I’m in my mid-twenties (holy crap), every decision carries more and more implications. It’s not like when I was 19, where if I didn’t like what I was studying I could change my major and that would be all. Now I’m 26, and for a while now, all my decisions and actions have larger and larger consequences. Living at home for a few years, moving to a new city, enrolling in grad school, quitting a job…all these things cannot be taken lightly. Because my decisions now are bricks compared to the feathers of my young adulthood. We must be intentional in our decisions – not to say that we can’t be whimsical and random – but we must remember that as time marches on, our window for gallivanting and exploration and trial and error narrows. We cannot throw caution into the wind as blithely anymore, because our decisions today set the building blocks for our lives tomorrow.

Again, this doesn’t mean we can’t be spontaneous, in fact, it’s all the more reason to be, because we need to rebel from the rigid strictness of life. What it does mean; however, is that we must be purposeful, even in our impulsiveness. Random, whimsical, spontaneity does not mean not thought through, it does not mean unintentional. It means we seek joy, and that is something we must never forget to do, despite how much time has passed.

Thank you for listening to me!
If you’d like to follow along in my journey here in Zlín, I’d love for you to czech out my Instagram account: @amilinzlin!

You know the drill: everything I write here is something I am actively working on improving and implementing within myself. Writing them out also helps me to visualize what to work on and how to do it. And having you as my audience holds me accountable.

If you have any thoughts, comments, or feedback, please dish it to me! I’d love to know how I can improve. I am glad to have you here on my VasaVita journey.

If you want to talk more about anything I discussed in my newsletters, or want to learn more about VasaVita, check out my website below!

See you in a few weeks!

You all know the drill: in the sprit of transparency and holding myself accountable, I include my audience count here to keep you apprised of my growth.
No growth in May ☹ but that’s okay, at least we didn’t lose anyone!
If you have any ideas or tips, please do share!