Welcome to Newsletter 8Teen

Yo, how’s it going everyone! Looking good, feeling good? I hope so. July was a packed month: the three words I’d use to describe it are ^t_u^r_b^u_l^e_n^t, convivial, and bittersweet. I’d say a decent amount happened during the month – here’s a quick mini recap:

The Inverse Relationship Between Stress and Expectations

I actually had this realization a few hours ago. I’ve noticed the busier I am, the less hard I am on myself. The more commitments I have and obligations to attend to and areas to manage, the softer that internal, critical dialogue gets. Interestingly, more external stress begets less internal stress. Odd, right? Let’s dive deeper into it.

When I know that I have a lot going on, I cut myself a generous portion of slack. I ease up a bit on myself, and exhibit a rare dose of compassion and forgiveness to myself.

Have back-to-back meetings all day and can’t make it to the gym? All good, you deserve rest, Amil. Jumping around from calls to emails to presentations to team syncs all before you can get your morning coffee? It’s okay, Amil, you can eat unhealthy today, it’s a treat. Stretched very thin and dealing with a lot? Take your time, Amil, you got this. You’re doing great.

Sounds great, right? But when the pendulum shifts to the other side, so does my capricious self-assessment: What do you mean your tired – tired from what? You should be doing more. You have so much time. So-and-so did all this at your age. You should be here not there. You’re not doing enough. You don’t have an excuse. Stop being lazy. Get tf up and get going.

I was initially confused by this relationship – if I am very busy and stressed, wouldn’t that lead to burn out? And during days when I have some flexibility, shouldn’t I be more relaxed? However, upon further analysis, I suppose it actually makes sense.

When I know my bandwidth is reaching or is at capacity, I reduce my expectations. I don’t demand that I go to the gym every day or get up early every day or make time for every single hobby and activity that I want to pursue every day. It’s okay if things fall through the cracks because I am already so swamped. I have to be strategic with what I can get done during my available time. Focus on what is important and time-sensitive. It’s okay if I need to take a longer break or skip working out to spend time with friends. Life happens, things come up, there are more pressing priorities right now. It is okay.

I am kinder to myself.

But during times when I feel like I could be doing more, the drive to produce output amplifies to unattainable and unhealthy levels. Time spent relaxing becomes time spent self-loathing, comparisons run wild, and unfulfilment settles in. Relaxation – or frankly, any form of enjoyment – must be earned. Productivity and fun are both put on a scale, and if it’s tipping even ever so slightly in favor of fun, enter the internal frustration and I become upset with myself for not earning the fun I had. I become fixated on how I could be doing more and discount what I am currently undertaking. The compassion, respect, and care that I was once bestowing upon myself is long gone, and in its place, is self-deprecation and restlessness. Where did my self-kindness go?

The thing I need to learn is to combine both these two tones into a hybrid model. Because it is not sustainable to be at 100% capacity 100% of the time, nor is it sustainable to live with an internal chiding dialogue with an incessant finger wag. I must figure out a way to blend the compassion and understanding of one mindset with the urgency and ambition of the other. Because I cannot continuously seek refuge in external obligations to escape from my own thoughts and mind, nor can I be a lifelong recipient of my internal criticism. The first, a universal phenomenon – that man must master himself before he can master the world – and the second, a breeding ground for rancor and self-resentment.

As a final thought, I’d say, please be sure to be kind to yourself. Don’t cut yourself slack when you shouldn’t, but don’t be rude to yourself. You are not a machine. At the end of the day, when the lights go off and the sun goes down, all you really have is yourself. Read that again – in this world, all that you truly have is yourself. The things you own, the people you love, the places you are miss, they will all come and go, but you will always always always have yourself, and so it’s extremely important to get to know that person. Befriend that person. Love – or at the very least, try to love – that person. Yourself.

With love,
Amil Khattar

Thank you for listening to me!

You know the drill: everything I write here is something I am actively working on improving and implementing within myself. Writing them out also helps me to visualize what to work on and how to do it. And having you as my audience holds me accountable.

If you have any thoughts, comments, or feedback, please dish it to me! I’d love to know how I can improve. I am glad to have you here on my VasaVita journey.

If you want to talk more about anything I discussed in my newsletters, or want to learn more about VasaVita, check out my website below!

See you next (this) month!

And last but not least, the following growth check!

You all know the drill: in the sprit of transparency and holding myself accountable, I include my audience count here to keep you apprised of my growth. We got some new subscribers joiners in July !! LFG

Looking forward to ~hopefully~ some growth this month (in both categories)! If you have any ideas or tips, please do share!